Easiest Home-Made Laundry Detergent EVER!

This is my super fantastic recipe for home made laundry detergent! It has worked just as well as store bought and one batch will last my family of four for a year or more! (and that's with a toddler in the house!) 

Ingredient List

1- four pound box of Borax

2- one pound boxes of Baking Soda

1 - 17.6 oz. box of Zote laundry flakes -Not for HE machines (OR 4- Fels Naptha bars, grated- For HE machines)

1- three pound container of Oxiclean powder (OR 1- six pound box of clorox 2 powder)

2- 28 oz. containers of purex crystals (OR 2- 19.5 oz. containers of downy unstoppables) 

The Process

1) Pour all ingredients into a double bagged trash bag. 

2) Tie each bag individually, and roll/shake the bag until it's good and mixed. 

3) Cut the corner of the trash bags, and pour into an air tight container. I use an empty kitty litter bucket- washed, of course. 

That is IT!! 

Use 1/4-1/2 cup per load.

Deep in the Red Sauce

This is probably no where near traditional red sauce, but it is how I make it. My family loves it, and I feel good about them eating it. I do alter it a bit each time I make it- depending on what I have in my pantry and fridge.
This time I decided to write it down so I could share it with you.

Since making my first batch, I cannot go back to buying spaghetti sauce at the store.
I buy diced tomatoes and pork sausage when they are on sale, and bust that stash all at once. This is also a great recipe for using up some not-so-fresh veggies.
Another advantage to this frozen sauce, is a quick and easy dinner for those crazy week nights.
I take it out of the freezer the night before, or defrost it in the microwave the day of. 

Cook your favorite pasta...and viola! 

Dinner!

Start by getting out your biggest stock pot. And I mean big! Not a dutch oven.  A stock pot!
Put 4 lbs of regular pork sausage with 2 TBS Italian seasoning and 1 TBS rubbed sage into the pot.
Cook fully.
Drain.
While that's cooking, petite dice the following, and put it in a large bowl.
1 large white onion
2 green bell peppers
8 oz. Fresh or canned mushrooms
1 stalk of celery
2 Roma tomatoes (optional. They were just getting soft in the bottom of my fridge so I threw them in this time.)

Add all of this to the bowl of veggies,
4 TBS, or 5 cloves, of minced garlic
2 TBS sugar or sweetener
4 TBS oregano
2 TBS parsley
1 TBS basil leaves
1 TBS salt
1 TBS black pepper
1 TBS rubbed sage
4 bay leaves

Once the sausage is done, return the sausage to the pot and add all of the following,
2- 12 oz. Cans of tomato paste
6- 14.5 oz. Cans of petite diced tomatoes....any kind or flavor you prefer.
3- 15 oz. Cans tomato sauce
Stir well.
Mix in all the veggies and seasonings.
Simmer all of this on med-low...
...Go fold laundry or scrub floors or color with the kiddos...

...for 60 minutes.
Allow to cool slightly.

Divide the sauce into freezer bags with about 5-6 cups in each bag. This results in five gallon bags.
Lay them flat in the freezer.
Done!
That is 5 delicious batches of spaghetti or lasagna!
5 super easy, and wholesome, weeknight meals!
This will last my family two months!
Completely worth two hours on my day off!

How to starch crocheted items in 10 minutes or less!

I used to be pretty intimidated by starching. I guess I just felt lazy about it. Like it was too hard.
PFFFT!!!
It's SO easy!!
Ok, so it takes overnight for the items to dry, but it only takes 10 minutes or less of your actual hands-on time. Which, for a busy mom, is extremely important!

Here's my way to starch, and IT WORKS!!!
 You will need,
 -a piece of cardboard big enough to go under your project completely. Empty diaper boxes work great. You want to make sure it is thick enough to handle getting a bit wet, and so the pins will stay in it.
-metal straight pins
-heavy duty spray starch. This is what I used, because it doesn't flake off or leave white marks on dark colors.

I start by laying my project(s) flat on the board.
If I am making multiple small items, I try to do them all at the same time.

I then pin. I start in the center and work my way out. Whether it is a circle or a straight line, it is the same. Always inside- out.
For these bookmarks, I placed pins all the way up the center spine of them first.

I tend to pull things tight, because they do scrunch back in a little anyway, and I want to make sure I get things nice, flat, and neat.

Once I have the center secure, I pin the outside edge.
If you have lots of little points you want to stick out and have good definition, place a pin in each one of those points.

I go through an entire stitch when pulling/placing pins- Not just one loop of a stitch.

Once all pins are placed, you can start the real fun. Starching! and I'm not being sarcastic. 

Spray heavily, saturating the project.

 If you are using a brand that smells strongly, you may want to open a window. The brand I used isn't extremely strong and has a pleasant scent anyway. 

And that's it. You're done. Yep, done! 

Just let that sit overnight, perhaps a little longer if you got a bit more carried away in the fun of spraying!

These are a light weight yarn. I only needed to starch one side.

If you are using a worsted yarn (4), you may find it necessary to repeat this process on the opposite side. 

I would not recommend this process for items that will be worn.

I also do not recommend washing items that have been through this process. It will remove most of, if not all of, the starch. To be honest, I wouldn't mind terribly if I HAD to wash something like this, because it is SO easy to redo! 

Pot Roast Soup

This happens to be a rare day in Texas. The temperature hasn't risen above freezing, and we've had a slight flurry of snow. A perfect time to make another of my family's favorite meals.   

Post Roast Soup!

When I have a bit of pot roast left over- a bit of meat, a couple of potatoes and carrots- certainly nothing worth saving on it's own. I do save it. I put it in a quart zipper top bag and freeze it. 

Once I have 2-3 of those built up, I make them into soup! 

It takes about an hour, from freezer to bowl, but is well worth it.

If you are a planner like I am, you could even take the bags out of the freezer and place them in the fridge overnight to cut down on prep time. 

Or, if you are in a bit of dinner hurry, you can defrost the bags in the microwave for 6-10 mins.

Here's a basic run down on what you will need, but certainly give or take a little on the meat/veggie portions. 

1/2-3/4 lb of pot roast- beef or venison

6 ish quarters of potatoes

12 ish baby carrots

5 cups of beef broth

1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce 

1/4 tsp celery salt

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1/2 tsp onion powder

1/4 tsp black pepper 

Once the bags are somewhat defrosted, (I like them to be a tad on the frozen side as it makes the meat easier to cut up.) I coarsely cut up the meat and veggies, because they will fall apart a bit more while cooking the soup.

If you prefer a more finely diced soup, feel free to do so, but I don't recommend it.  

I put all the chunks into the pot,

  

Then, I add the broth and spices, and cook on high for 10 minutes. 

I use the spoon to break apart the larger pieces of meat.

After it is at a good boil, I reduce the heat to low and simmer for about 10-20 mins more. 

Enjoy this with a good sized stack of saltine crackers! 

How to make fried catfish less "Fishy"

I'm a northern girl....love me some trout and blue gill! 

But I currently reside in the south, where catfish is a staple. 

I don't mind catfish. What I do mind is the distinctive fishy taste it has when it isn't prepared "correctly". 

When I was younger, my grandpa was an avid fisherman of the mighty Mississippi River in Wisconsin. One of the main points he drove home was how to "correctly" cut and cook fish. 

"You see this dark stripe?" He'd say, "you gotta get that out or the fish will be nasty!" 

I grew up eating his light and mild blue gill. 

Catfish, I found out the hard way, is usually not prepared this way. 

So we stopped eating out and I started making it myself at home. 

Here is my family-of-four-approved recipe!
You will need:
Deep fryer
Filet knife
Cutting board
Two small bowls
Plate
Ingredients:
1 1/2 lbs of catfish fillets
1 cup flour
1/2 cup yellow cornmeal
1 cup milk or 2 eggs
1/2 tablespoon of each of the following:
Onion powder
Garlic powder
Black pepper
Celery salt
Seasoned salt

In order to "un-fishy" the fish, we are going to take that dark, reddish-brown stripe off of the back of the filet. 

First, cut each fillet down the center. It will leave you with a bit of reddish-brown meat on both pieces. 

Take your filet knife, and at an angle, slide your knife just under the dark strip. Cut all the way down the filet.

Repeat on each piece. 

This does take a bit of patience and practice, but it isn't difficult, and well worth the effort! I promise you that!
You don't have to get all the red-brown off either...just the really thick and dark stuff. The rest will not leave that awful taste!
Preheat your deep fryer.
Now, you can either cut each piece again, giving you four pieces from each filet, or you can leave them in halves, up to you.

In one small bowl, mix together flour, cornmeal, and spices.
In the second bowl, pour the milk, or beat the eggs. 

I double batter my fish to get it nice and crispy. 

Dunk each piece, one at a time, into the milk or egg, then roll/press into the flour mix. Repeat.
Drop into fryer. 

I have gotten the best results by dropping them in the fryer as I batter. If you batter and set aside, they get stuck together and the batter kind of peels off. 

Dropping as I batter makes timing a bit tricky, but each piece only cooks for about 3-5 minutes anyway. Smaller pieces taking less time than bigger ones.
They should come out crispy and golden brown.

If you aren't sure if they are done, you can break one open. Make sure it is white, not transparent, and flaky. If it isn't, you can always drop it in the fryer for a little longer. Once it is done, drain it on a plate covered with paper towel until you are ready to eat!

I usually make rice with brown or country gravy on the side.

Blessed

My husband and I met in highschool. We were 17. He had a grand plan of leaving our small wisconsin town and seeing the world through the air force. A year later, he was in basic training and I was pregnant. A year after that, our son and I joined him at our first duty station in Colorado. Things weren't easy. Teenagers, new baby, far from family, in a big city. But I worked, he worked, and it worked. A few years later we got married. A few years after that, he had put on a few stripes and was heading out for a deployment. So, I quit my job, and became a stay at home mom. I finally learned to cook, decorate, crochet, and make friends with other air force wives. Playdates, clearance shopping, coffee dates, and having dinner on the table by 5 was my life. And I was in love! In love! I had a husband who was climbing the military ladder, and a fun smart little boy. We climbed mountains on the weekends, and I was crocheting my heart out to crap tv during the week. After a total of 8 yrs in Colorado, my husband called me with news. We were finally moving. To Texas. Texas, I thought, hmmm...never been there. Not as exciting as Hawaii, but still someplace new. Lets go! We bought a cookie cutter house in a middle class neighborhood. Two weeks after arriving, my husband got a nice fat DUI! I thought he was done. I thought he was going to jail. I thought id have to sell the house we hadn't made one mortgage payment on and move back in with family...on my own...while he sat in a jail. I was a stressed out mess! Fast forward a year and a hell of a lot of work and heartache, and he was still in the air force. Thank the good Lord, we were safe! Things went back to normal. And I thought, lets have a baby. Our son was now 9 and I was 2 yrs from 30. Lets do it. So we did, and got a beautiful baby girl. Blue eyes, blonde hair, just like her brother. Life was grand. I made friends and really came into my own as a mom. Clipping coupons, swapping recipes, crawling the mall, playdates every Friday, working out, wine, and pedicures. Truly blessed!

For the sickies

When I buy a whole chicken, I usually get three meal out of it. Here's how.

First time, I roast it in the oven or crock pot with veggies.
If it's a large chicken, I can cut some of the meat off the bones, and make casserole for a second dinner.
The third meal is probably my favorite.
 Chicken Noodle Soup.
I put the entire chicken, bones and veggies and any juices, in a regular sized dutch oven and fill it with water.
Sometimes, I try to get the majority of the skin off first.
I set the heat to low and simmer/boil it for a good two hrs if it was roasted in the oven. 30-60 mins if it was crock pot chicken.
I check it occasionally to see how easily the meat is to separate from the bones, it should fall right off with minimal effort.


Once it does, I get out a bowl, two forks, and a strainer. One of the bowls, i put the strainer in, and pour whatever is in the pot into it. this will allow you to save that amazing stock!


Now, I take two forks, and begin pulling meat from bone. I pull apart any of the larger chunks of meat. I take out any skin, and mash up any carrots/celery/potatoes that happened to be in there and are now too mushy to actually eat.
This is a bit tedious, but once you do it a few times, it goes rather quickly. Make sure you get all those little vertebra!


Once I have the meat on one side of the strainer and the bones on the other, I put all the meat back into the pot of broth, and throw the bones out.

I add
1 1/2 cups chopped carrots
1 small onion, diced
2 TBS minced garlic
2 stalks of celery, chopped
1 tsp black pepper
1 TBS parsley
1/2 tsp rubbed sage
1/2 tsp basil leaves
2 bay leaves
enough water/broth to fill the pot
I boil this until the vegetables are soft.
I then add 12 oz egg noodles
Once those are done...it's chow time!!!!

Slow Cooker Chicken Casserole

This easy slow cooker recipe is perfect for freezer meals as well. It fed us for two family meals (one that night, and one frozen for later), plus 2 quart bags for the husband to take with him.

 Ingredients:
2 boneless skinless Chicken Breast                1 1/2 cups shredded cheddar
2 cans cream of chicken soup                         1 1/2 cups frozen mixed veggies
1 can of water                                                  3 cups rice
2 tbs garlic powder
2 tbs onion powder
2 tbs celery salt
1 tbs black pepper

Before work, I put the chicken breast, 1 can of cream of chicken, water and spices in the slow cooker, cover, and set on low for 6-8 hrs.
After work, I shredded the chicken with two forks, stirred in the mixed veggies and the other can of cream of chicken soup. Then I topped it all in shredded cheddar. I covered it and let that cook while I made the rice.
You can make any rice of your choice, but I used brown minute rice because it only takes a few minutes, and my kids are HUNGRY!
Once the rice is done, stir that into the slow cooker mixture.
 Enjoy!    

Bums

I'm a pretty conventional mama, but I don't fit in just one "mom" category. I do what makes sense for my family.
When my daughter was about a year old, she became pretty sensitive to disposable diapers. Constant diaper rash. I tried several different brands of diapers and creams. It would go away, and come right back.
Finally, I started looking into cloth diapers.
Now, I was not the least bit enthused about washing diapers. I was not wanting to do it at all. It was even harder to get the husband on board with this plan.
Looking at the initial cost of these things was not making me any happier. Some packages of cloth diapers were more expensive than paying for three years of disposable diapers! Sure, they looked cute, but I felt the cost defeated the "money saving" aspect to cloth diapering- which was the only point that might convince the husband. I had no clue if cloth diapers were going to help my daughter, or if I would even stick to cloth diapering, so the initial investment had to be small....like $100 or less.
The variety of cloth diapers out there was pretty daunting too. So many styles and materials to choose from...how was I ever going to decide which would be right for us?
After a few forums, websites, and talking with some of my cloth diapering friends, I decided to go the prefold/cover route. For two reasons, one, I had a good friend who used them and could offer me guidance while I got my feet wet, and two, you could buy a few days worth of covers and stock up on prefolds, which were pretty cheap. It just seemed to make more sense than buying 30 All In Ones (AIO's).
I also found an inexpensive prefold/cover brand. Econobum's. The reviews were mixed, mainly about the covers, but I figured it was worth the risk. I got six covers and 12 inserts for $100. Your basic cotton prefold with a poly cover- only in white. Not cute, not fancy, but maybe they would work out.

So I got to washing. It is recommended to wash the prefolds at least six to eight times before using. My ass is lazy. I washed/dried them four times, once on hot, once on cold, 2nd rinse each time, dry and repeat. (somehow that makes me lazy LOL) sounds flippin crazy to me, and my husband just shook his head.

Now, it was time to put them on her butt.... How? Once again I consulted a friend. She tried to talk me though it, but that wasn't quite working out, so she linked me a youtube video. Five different ways these things could be folded...that I know of. I also had no snappi. I chose the newspaper fold, it was easy to do even without the snappi, and held everything in.

After a while, the Econobum covers started to fall apart. The snaps came off. I also had leak problems by the legs. The prefolds are still going strong! I have since bought more prefolds!
A friend gifted me a few different types of covers, and I bought one other type. All of which I like better than the Econobum covers. I think my favorite are the Bummis with the velcro. A close second though are Thirsties with snaps. The double gusset in the legs makes all the difference, at least for my slim girl it does. I also have a few fuzzibunz pockets, with microfiber inserts, but I find they leak horribly, and I am at a total loss on how to fix that. I only use them overnight, over the top of a prefold. I call this "Double-Butting". My daughter is a heavy wetter, especially at night, and was always leaking until I started "double-butting". I'm sure there is another term for this, but I like mine.

I have a total of 24 prefolds and 6 covers. I also have about 10 pocket diapers but I don't count those since I only use them overnight. I wash every other day. Now that I'm working, I sometimes go two days without washing, but then she has to be in disposable diapers that day. Most of the time, it isn't that time consuming. I throw the load in before I start dinner. Start the hot wash after dinner, and start the dryer before bed. Really, not bad.

As far as washing goes, well that has been trial and error. I think it is for everyone. There are so many variables. Water type, material type, and washing machine type. There's also baby's skin to consider. Originally, I started out using just all free and clear in both hot and cold washes, but that soon lead to leak issues because of the detergent build up.
 I switched to no detergent in the hot wash. That made no difference.
 I started using vinegar in the hot wash...worked for about six washes..and we were back to leak issues.  I started using bleach in the hot wash. That solved the leak issue, but irritated my daughter's skin.
 At that point, I was about to give up.
Then a friend asked me how I kept the minerals in the water from building up in my hair....eureka moment! I had been washing my hair with blue dawn dish soap, once a month, for about eight months...and still do. It gets rid of shampoo, hair spray, conditioner and mineral build up completely! Stuff is amazing!

After my little light bulb went off, I got to surfing the net. Turns out, I'm not the only mama who swears by washing her diapers in a little blue dawn.
I'm not a scientist, but here's why I think this works.
I live in west Texas, where the water is horrible! Stinky, hard, and full of mineral deposits. NO ONE drinks this water. If they do, they are probably growing a third arm and have kidney failure. No joke.
Anyway. the free and clear gets the "nasty stuff" out, and the dawn gets rid of the mineral/detergent build up on the fibers.

Here's what eventually worked the best for me, and is still working.
One wash with a second rinse- cold water- with half the recommended amount of ALL free and clear.
One wash with a second rinse- hot water- with about two tsp of blue dawn dish soap.
I put the prefolds in the dryer, and the covers/inserts I air dry- on hangers, hung in various places in my living room/kitchen.
Told you I was on a budget. 

Another week, and another set of meals.

On Thursday I had the day off, so I made a double batch of spaghetti sauce.
I only cooked a single batch (16 oz) of noodles though. That came out to be 1 gallon bag of sauce for the kids and I, and 5 quart bags of sauce+noodles for the husband. 2 meals for the husband, and 1 meal for me when I work a late shift.

Friday, I made a pot roast in my slow cooker.

3lb beef shoulder roast.
6-8 small red potatoes, halved
1 lb baby carrots
2-3 stalks of celery, diced
1/2 onion, diced
1 can beef broth
3 cups water
1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
2 TBS minced garlic
1 TBS celery salt
2 TBS parsley
Combine beef broth, water, Worcestershire sauce, and garlic in slow cooker.
put roast in.
top with onion, celery, potatoes, carrots, celery salt, and parsley- in that order.
Cook on low for 8 hrs.
This fed the kids and I. Plus I had 2 quart bags of meat+veggies (1 meal each) for the husband.
Monday we had chick fil a cause I had shit to do after work and didn't feel like cooking. I was supposed to make tuna noodle, but that obviously didn't happen.

So Tuesday, I made tuna noodle. A double batch, in my extra large stock pot.

2- 12 oz. bags egg noodles
5- 10 3/4 oz cans of cream mushroom soup
5- 5 oz cans of chunk light tuna
16 oz frozen peas (optional)
Fill stock pot 3/4 full of water, boil. Add noodles and peas. cook for 8-10 mins.
Strain noodles. Combine soup and tuna in pot, heat on low and stir until well blended.
Add noodles/peas back to pot and stir well!
It's that easy.
This fed the kids and I, plus I had 4 heavy quart bags (hopefully 4 meals) for the husband.

Wednesday morning, before heading off to work, I put a whole chicken in the slow cooker.

I layered it this way :
Whole chicken and 1 cup of broth on the bottom.
6 medium sized red potatoes- quartered.
1 lb of baby carrots
then I topped the whole lot of it with:
2 TBS of minced garlic
a layer of minced onion
a layer of celery salt
a bit of black pepper
cooked on low for 8-10 hrs.
that chicken fell apart!
It made a good meal for the kids and I that night, and the rest went into soup for Thursday. That recipe is a post of it's own! Stay tuned!!

love

It isn't easy staying.
No...wait... sometimes it is.
Sometimes I know exactly why I'm here and why I love him.
Other times, I think I am crazy and stupid for staying.
Yes, he did fuck up.
Yes, he was irresponsible.
Yes, he is working his ass off to fix it.
Yes, the guilt and fear eats at him.
Yes, I do love him.
But that isn't why I am staying.
If anything, I've got my father's logic, and I need to have a rational reason to stay. I can't stay just because of the way I feel.
Then why?
Throughout all this upheaval, my children need some stability. It is a huge adjustment for me to go back to work, and for daddy to be gone all week, every week.
I want my children to know that the four of us are in this life together.
That forgiveness is a real thing.
That climbing out of a ditch you dug yourself into is possible.
That life isn't something you just give up on.
That marriage isn't something you just give up on.
Divorce is not an option. Not at this point. He doesn't beat me. He doesn't cheat. He doesn't live in a bar. He isn't a drug addict. He doesn't hang with the guys more than his own children.
He has some problems, but there are definitely worse things he could do!
I'm staying because it makes sense financially. It is far easier for the two of us to support one household, than it is for the two of us to support two households.
Am I saying I will be with him forever? Nope.
No one can predict the future.
We had the best laid plans and things still went to hell in a hand basket.
I don't live in some fantasy land of happily ever after, not anymore anyway.
Someday things might change....but for now, I'm staying.
And I won't feel guilty for it.
Have I lost friends over this decision? Sure as hell have.
I sincerely pray that they never, never, have to go through the things I have gone through in the past few months.

African flower granny afghan

This is a long-term crochet project. It will be for my beautiful daughter. I expect it to take me at least a year. It's a great project for using up scrap yarn, and something to work on in the relaxing hours of the evening.
When I work on small projects- especially orders from my page- I'm so excited to see the finished product, that I work feverishly on it and it isn't very therapeutic. This is something I can take a more relaxed approach to.
I will start by making 200 african flower granny squares. I have about 30 made so far.
WW yarn (4) mostly, some sport weight (3) mixed in.
Size "I" hook.
I am not joining as I go. Probably the biggest mistake of my life, but I haven't yet decided on a "joining" color for the final round. Usually, this color will make or break the afghan. It ties it all together, obviously, and I have so many colors, and there will be more colors to come. Once I have them all made, it's easier for me to decide the theme. Currently, I'm thinking a pale pink. But that will probably change at least 6 times before I finally buy one.
Yes, I will buy the joining color. I will need quite a bit of it, at least 3 skeins, to join and get a good border around the afghan as well.
I will end up joining them in a similar manner to heidibear's though. More on that to come, but I love this pattern so very much, that I had to share it.  

Everything is bigger in Texas, except for the deer!

My husband comes from a long line of outdoors men. Hunting, fishing, farming. They are true Wisconsinites.
I, on the other hand, come from city folk. Wisconsinites just the same, but certainly not outdoorsy. My father took me camping all of three times in my entire life, and fishing just as much. My grandpa taught me how to filet a bluegill one summer, but that was the extent of my survival techniques.
So when I was integrated in to my husband's family, long before we were married, I was given a crash course in all the wonderful things about living off the land. Gardening, canning, and, yes, processing deer.
My first chance to witness this was a grand occasion. I was 18, and 6 months pregnant with my little man. It was the middle of a Wisconsin winter. All the uncles, some aunts, and a few cousins had all been out hunting that day. They brought home between 3 and 5 deer. I can't remember anymore, maybe it was more than that. Anyway, the skinning and quartering took place out in the garage at grandma's house, where it was good and cold. Then, the quarters were brought into the house, and put down on a big wooden board right on top of the kitchen table.
The house was stuffy, smelly, and hot; from the tenderloins cooking on the stove, from the water bath canner processing batch after batch of venison, from all the warm bodies milling about. A good dozen people all buzzing in and out of the house, working away at getting it all "put up".
Everyone took on a job. Around the table, a few family members gathered to whittle away at each hunk. Cutting meat from bone. Cubing pieces for jars, or scraps for burger. Portioning out the good cuts for freezing. Seasoning the full jars and getting them ready for the canner. Cooking the tenderloins on the stove top so we could all enjoy the spoils we worked for. Running meat into, and then bone out of, the house. It was an amazing experience. One that consumed my senses and, surprisingly, fascinated me.
Of course, Grandma and my mother in law, welcomed me to a seat at the table and I was given lessons. I certainly wasn't going to let them down. I already loved his family. They were the only TRUE family I had ever witnessed and they were welcoming and kind to me when they had every reason not to be. I wanted to fit in with this strong (and hairy) family, and they were willing to let me try. So I swallowed my nausea, put a smile on my face and a knife in my hand. I got to do a little bit of everything, and I loved it. Mostly, I loved the feeling in the house. The feeling of working as a family to provide for the family.
Fast forward 10 years, My husband had finally found a place in Texas to hunt. They were tiny Texas deer, but they were deer. And I was excited!! We all were. We hadn't had venison in years, and our mouths were watering at the thought. Of course, we had to think about how we were gonna get it from animal to plate, but I was eager to take that head on! So after a few calls to the in laws, and a couple youtube videos, I felt prepared to cut up my first deer. Alone.
My husband was going to be anything but helpful, and I didn't feel like he had to be. After all, he's the one who sat in the cold for hours, the one who field dressed, skinned, quartered, and hauled it home....I should do some work too.
When he got a deer, it was about the size of a German shepherd, but it was deer. I felt like it was a good size to practice on.

I had no clue what I had gotten my self into. Once that leg was on my kitchen counter, I picked up the phone again, and again, and again.
I have to say how much I love my in laws. They are a patient bunch, that's for sure, and they love sharing their knowledge. I am blessed to have them.
After 4 hrs, I had fumbled my way though all parts of that deer. Did I screw up the steaks? yep. Did I screw up one of the tenderloins? yep. Did it all taste amazing? Sure did!
Really, I couldn't go wrong. I canned 90% of it, and froze the other 10%, just as my husband's family have been doing for decades.
Now, I know it isn't recommended to can meat in a water bath canner. So I'm gonna say, right now, don't do as do, do as I say, and don't do it!
The second deer he got went a little better. It only took me 3 hours.
Did I screw up the steaks? YEP!

Encouraging Word

I talk about how horrible days can be, a lot. So how do I make it? How do I still smile? 

I keep busy. 

I do anything and everything NOT to think about the situation I'm in. I stay busy. That's what I do. Constantly. Which, between working full time, two kids, and a house to not only clean, but maintain and upgrade...it's not hard to stay busy! 
I focus on how to get out of this situation. Being the best I can be at my job. Being the best I can be as a mother. Brainstorming with the husband on how to get out of this mess. Until I am so exhausted by the time I lay down with my bible, I can hardly keep my eyes open.
I read scripture. Daily. Not a ton, but enough to bring me some peace or hope or strength. 

Scripture has brought me great comfort.

 "The Lord provides" has been a good one. Even when I was everything but deserving, he still provided.
"Do not worry." the Lord says this many times. On my worst days, He says this to me.
"With God, all things are possible." He gives me the strength. Sometimes minute by minute. Deep breath, and "With God".
 I was already blessed with a dear friend, we will call her Beth. I have known her for three years and she has been my spiritual mentor. She is close to twice my age, with a daughter who is my age. I met her by chance and she has been nothing but a blessing from day one. She is truly a gift from God. She has kept me from straying and been a wealth of knowledge. I can only pray to one day be as kind and loving as she is. She is an amazing example of a good christian woman...something I am far from. She has put up with me when I have been a less than willing student and has always encouraged me. Needless to say, she has been more so lately. I know she has a ton of things on her plate, yet she still takes time out to meet with me a few times a month. I was never a strong believer growing up, but circumstances in my life over the past 10 years have slowly made me a firm believer.

 I don't think about the future.

 I do, but I don't. I think enough about the future to get the ball rolling, but if I think about it too much, I start to freak out. I have to, someday, come to the realization that LIFE has no plan. There are no guarantees. I thought I had a plan. I thought I had guarantees. But, well, I didn't. Even if I did, they are gone now, so no use thinking about that. It only makes me want to cry, and well, there's a time and a place for that, but that time is not right now.

I surround myself with positivity.

 I liked positive and uplifting pages on my personal fb page. I deleted those that brought me down or didn't contribute. I did the same in my personal life. The people who didn't give two shits about me, I stopped giving two shits about them. I have too much to worry about to care who doesn't want to be in my life. Did I lose people that I thought were my best friends? Sure did! Did I cry over it? Sure did! But now, I spend my precious time with people I really like and who really like me. They were people I never expected, but they are genuine and I often feel unworthy of their friendship.

KLOVE 

on the radio in my car. I cannot tell you how much of a blessing that has been. God truly speaks through them... on my worst days, and on my good days.  

Consider the Ravens

I am in the midst of the grind. 

I landed a job as the manager of a deli...yep. Hard to believe, but I did it! I'm doing it! The stress that comes with that job...ugh...but it helps pay the bills and I'm generally happy there. It's a small business, and I have a good boss. I find it very hard to leave work, at work. I take a lot home with me. Mistakes I've made during the day. Tasks yet to be completed. Sometimes that place even takes over my dreams. ugh ugh ugh. I take 5-htp to help me sleep, and a B complex during the day. I don't know if it really helps, but maybe it does, and I really don't want to find out if it doesn't. St. john's wort worked for the depression, for a while. But, as is common, it sent my anxiety into overdrive. It got me through the worst days though. I can actually say that now...the worst days. Yes, I think those are in the past.

Things are far from good, but physically, mentally, well.....

Working, taking care of the kids, and cleaning house take up a large amount of my time. Finding a balance is a constant struggle. My husband found a job, but works out of town during the week...for now. He says that will change soon...I hope so. 

Right now, right effing now, I'm doing it all, all on my own. Some days I wonder if it's worth it. I feel alone a lot. I only see my husband on the weekends, and I'm looking at working the next two weekends. double UGH! Then I talk to my love, pray, read scripture, or meet up with a friend for a little bit, and I find the strength to keep going. 

Depression and anxiety cycle. 

Some days, I can feel the depression settling in the bottom of my gut. Dragging me down, making me want to give up and cry. Sometimes I do give in and cry. I can't count how many times I've cried in my car before picking the kids up from the sitter. I let it out, sob, as hard as I can. I don't give a shit who sees me. I need it. I can't keep it all stuffed in...it's too much. Then I dry my eyes, take a few deep breaths, and jump back into life. 

Other days, the anxiety is so overwhelming it hurts...actually hurts...to take a deep breath. The muscles in my stomach and chest are so tight, that it hurts to stretch them enough to take a good breath. I have to remind myself to take a few deep breaths several times a day. Even if things tighten right back up, at least i relaxed for a few seconds, and something is better than nothing. I've discovered a new symptom of anxiety as well. oh joy! Rashes..all over my hands and forearms. At first it looked and felt like dry skin...all peeling and itchy red bumps. horrible. I assumed it was from the soap at work. I'm washing my hands over a dozen times a day. After trying a few different lotions, and nothing helping, I remembered my dad having a similar issue. He was a weapons loader in the Air Force, and was always getting oil and grease all over his hands. I remembered how dry and cracked they would get. So I sent him a message "hey dad, did you ever find something that helped your hands? mine are terrible." He replied, "You know what, I did. I saw a dermatologist a long time ago. He said it was from stress. Once I stopped worrying about shit I could do nothing about, it went away." Words of wisdom from my dad. :)

Three Meals

With My love working out of town during the week, I've had to get creative with meals. When he was transitioning out of the Air Force, he was home earlier than I was, so he was making dinner. Now, I get off at 5 pm most days, sometimes not til 8. His job is putting him up in a hotel during the week, and I couldn't very well have him eating out all the time. Not only is it expensive, but unhealthy. Above all, I'm still a good mother and wife, and part of that is making sure everyone is well fed. So I did some digging online, pooled knowledge from good friends, and started making freezer meals. 

At first, I took a few hours on my day off day, and made three big meals. Chicken Florentine. Lasagna, and Jambalaya. I have LOVED skinnymom.com for a long time. Her recipes helped me to track calories and lose some of that baby weight! I made a double batch of the lasagna sauce. It's a family favorite and I could put some over spaghetti noodles later. It was a crazy mess, but in the end, I had a freezer full of meals. I portioned some in quart sized zipper bags for the husband to take, and some in gallon sized bags for me and kids. 

Three meals for the week may not seem like a lot, but on the days when I wanted to collapse upon walking in the door, the ease and comfort they provided was almost divine! Those 3 meals put me a week ahead of the game. (score!) I am now able to make a few large meals during the week or on my days off, and freeze some away. On the days I work, I use my crock pot. The kids and I eat that for dinner, and I freeze the leftovers for my husband to take the next week. On my days off, I cook two big meals, one for lunch, and one for dinner, and portion the leftovers. Do I sometimes feel like I spend too much of my time cooking? planning meals and grocery store trips? YES! But when my love calls and says "my roommate is jealous of my dinner" or the kids and I are sitting around the table, eating, and talking about our day, it is ALL worth it!