My biggest weakness, Anxiety.
Especially after the birth of our second child. Social and general anxiety took over my life.
I was petrified of meeting new people and going new places.
I constantly worried about what people thought of me.
I berated and belittled myself for the smallest short coming.
A simple get together with new spouses would send me into a panic, complete with trips to the bathroom and cold sweats.
Going to the gym was something I had to make myself do.
Date nights with my husband became a challenge...I had to fight not to faint if we went to a crowded restaurant.
I couldn't do anything with anyone unless I had at least a day's notice and even then, my stomach may decide to back out at the last minute.
If my husband wanted to be spontaneous, it would immediately be met by a screaming fight from me, full of empty reasons why we couldn't go.
Especially after the birth of our second child. Social and general anxiety took over my life.
I was petrified of meeting new people and going new places.
I constantly worried about what people thought of me.
I berated and belittled myself for the smallest short coming.
A simple get together with new spouses would send me into a panic, complete with trips to the bathroom and cold sweats.
Going to the gym was something I had to make myself do.
Date nights with my husband became a challenge...I had to fight not to faint if we went to a crowded restaurant.
I couldn't do anything with anyone unless I had at least a day's notice and even then, my stomach may decide to back out at the last minute.
If my husband wanted to be spontaneous, it would immediately be met by a screaming fight from me, full of empty reasons why we couldn't go.
Anxiety was ruining my marriage, and my body.
I began to have headaches and strange, vivid dreams, as well as involuntary jaw clenching in my sleep. My stomach was always upset.
I finally decided to seek help when my daughter was 5 months old. We were supposed to go on leave to see family, a happy occasion, but I was a mess. I looked like a deer in head lights and I couldn't think straight enough to pack.
I saw my doctor on base. She gave me a script and an appt with mental health when we got back from vacation. Awesome. Now I was too scared to try the medicine! Take some unknown pill the day before a 19 hr car trip with our two children??? I couldn't chance side effects. So I waited, and tried to hold myself together until we got home.
At mental health, I talked with a nice old man. Of course it was just a slew of pills in this dose and that dose. I took them, but every one of them made me unable to take care of my children for one reason or another. I had to rely on friends and neighbors to help me get through the day.
When I told the nice old man that I couldn't take any more pills, he told me he couldn't help me! What kind of doctor says that?! I felt hopeless! Doomed!
So back to my regular doctor I went. I told her I needed someone else to help me, cause that guy wasn't cutting it. She gave me a referral, and I picked a random name from a list. Fingers crossed! The name I picked turned out to be a somewhat eccentric, middle aged woman who didnt believe in writing useless scripts! Fate! I loved her.
She helped me understand the how and why of my anxiety. She put words to what I couldnt begin to describe. She taught me deep breathing, tapping, and we talked every week. Things were ok. My anxiety was still there, but she encouraged me to keep getting out there....that was the only way to overcome it. Force myself to go into the world and eventually it would get easier. Did it? Not really...but I wasn't sitting at home...grounded by fear.
I began to have headaches and strange, vivid dreams, as well as involuntary jaw clenching in my sleep. My stomach was always upset.
I finally decided to seek help when my daughter was 5 months old. We were supposed to go on leave to see family, a happy occasion, but I was a mess. I looked like a deer in head lights and I couldn't think straight enough to pack.
I saw my doctor on base. She gave me a script and an appt with mental health when we got back from vacation. Awesome. Now I was too scared to try the medicine! Take some unknown pill the day before a 19 hr car trip with our two children??? I couldn't chance side effects. So I waited, and tried to hold myself together until we got home.
At mental health, I talked with a nice old man. Of course it was just a slew of pills in this dose and that dose. I took them, but every one of them made me unable to take care of my children for one reason or another. I had to rely on friends and neighbors to help me get through the day.
When I told the nice old man that I couldn't take any more pills, he told me he couldn't help me! What kind of doctor says that?! I felt hopeless! Doomed!
So back to my regular doctor I went. I told her I needed someone else to help me, cause that guy wasn't cutting it. She gave me a referral, and I picked a random name from a list. Fingers crossed! The name I picked turned out to be a somewhat eccentric, middle aged woman who didnt believe in writing useless scripts! Fate! I loved her.
She helped me understand the how and why of my anxiety. She put words to what I couldnt begin to describe. She taught me deep breathing, tapping, and we talked every week. Things were ok. My anxiety was still there, but she encouraged me to keep getting out there....that was the only way to overcome it. Force myself to go into the world and eventually it would get easier. Did it? Not really...but I wasn't sitting at home...grounded by fear.
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