The Bomb

Three years into our Texas tour and I'd finally hit my stride. I had discovered my strengths and weaknesses. I had made amazing friends. I started selling my gifts of crochet. I found solace and knowledge in the words of God. I began homeschooling my son under the guidance of another amazing military spouse. I had knowledge of military life and the local area. I was able to share it with new spouses. I finally felt like I knew what I was doing! I finally felt like a good mom! 

One Friday, just as I had come home from another great playgroup, my husband arrived home for what I thought was lunch. I greeted him with a smile, but it wasn't returned. I asked "Whats up?" He said, "I'm in trouble. Big trouble." My heart sunk..."what kind of trouble?" "I'm probably done in the air force. I don't expect to stay in." All I could say was no no no no. I started crying and he teared up. And I couldn't look at him. I couldn't believe he'd done this to us. To our kids. After how hard we had fought to keep his job, he'd fucked it all up. 

Im not stupid....I wasn't about to get my hopes up...in fact, they fell.....down down down. All the plans we had for the near and distant future....gone. I walked around like a crying zombie the rest of the day. Tried to take care of the kids as best I could...trying to not let them see me cry. Of course my son new something was wrong, but all I could say to him was that I didn't feel well and to do his school work.

My mind went in all kinds of directions. Would we sell the house? I'd have to go back to work. The most prevalent thoughts, What were we going to do? What were we going to tell our families?

After an eternity, he finally came home for the day. That evening was a blur, but it was full of crying and him trying to reassure me we would be ok.